Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
