Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
