Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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