Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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