I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will die if light touches me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
