Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
