u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
