that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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