She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
