The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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