if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
