i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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