i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Farmville is her only friend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
