I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
