is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
