You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
