He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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