I puked a lego.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
