I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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