I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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