she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Randomize
