Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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