I got chris browned last night
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
