My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
