Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize