her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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