Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
