butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
