We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize