I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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