i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
