You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
