You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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