You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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