It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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