Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
