hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
