I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Green mimosas i think yes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize