We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
