Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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