I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
