Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
