I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
