Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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