Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
