I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
