Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
