i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
