there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
