i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
