Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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