you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
