highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize