But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
