Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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