Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
