No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
