Pappa wants mamma naked
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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