After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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