a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
