how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone shattered a urinal.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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