I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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