Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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