does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
