the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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