just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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