wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bring me that man meat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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