you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
