i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
