If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
