So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize