No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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