I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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