A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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