Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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