he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
