the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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