Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
