I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
