did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize