i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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