Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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