Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
