im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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