I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
