you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize