if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
