when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
