On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
