Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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