So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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