Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
