i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
