There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
