i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
