Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize