Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
