Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
