I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
