something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A+ Viking dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
