My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
