Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
