Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
