Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
