Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
