dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
