At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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