why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
