Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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