my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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