Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize