when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
